Monday, February 24, 2014

We're All Getting Up There...


There's no denying it: we're all getting older.
And now that I've reached the ripe old age of 23, I've started to notice some of the signs.


1. You feel irresponsible staying up past 11 on a weeknight.
 I remember staying up until sunrise and rolling into work on an hour of sleep and a hangover.
Now, it's dinner, netflix, bed.
(and somehow I'm still tired in the morning.)

2.  You've realized it's time to get a grown up purse.
When you have to carry your cell phone, your wallet, your keys and your lipstick in your hands to a 4 star restaurant, bells go off.

3. People at unfamiliar bars don't ID you anymore.
This basically means that you look so old that people don't mind risking there job to serve you booze.
Nice.

4. Older men are suddenly attractive.
Remember when you thought your mom was gross for thinking Sean Connery was hot in Entrapment? Guess who finally understands...
Oh yeah, you.

5. You spend more money on alcohol than food when out with your friends.
Burger: $8
3-4 Drinks: $30
Enjoying a nice evening out: "Fuck, I spent a lot on drinks tonight."

6. You now have to pretend that you don't like One Direction.
Or Beiber, or Selena or whoever. Basically any teen icon.
But you totally do.

7. You feel funny using text acronyms like LOL, OMG and TTYL.
I'll still do it, but I always picture someone reading the letters out loud with a bitch voice.

8. Crashing on a friend's couch is an absolute last resort.
You love your friends, that's why they're your friends.
But you love your own bed more.
I don't care if you have to crawl on your hands and knees, you're getting home tonight.

9. You realize that a lot of the movies and TV shows you used to love are stupid (and that all of your old favorite songs are filthy).
This one's almost too real.
Seriously, go back and watch / listen to some of your old favorites and get back to me.

10. A staycation almost sounds better than a vacation.
A long ass plane ride, dealing with other tourists and paying out the ass vs. home in your snuggie with take out and ghostbusters 1 & 2?
Uh, that's not even a question.

11. Waking up sore and having no idea why.
Oh yeah, it's cause I jogged across the street yesterday.
Fuck.

12. All the hottest celebrities are younger than you.
Jennifer Lawrence is like 2 months older than I am.
That doesn't make me feel shitty about my own life AT ALL.

13. You finally don't have to call your parents every time you have a grown up problem.
Except for tax stuff. My poor dad.

14. You get really uncomfortable around woo girls.
You don't know if you should avoid eye contact or give them a hug.

15. Kids are now using words that you've never heard before.
I'm still trying to figure out what swag is.

16. You totally understand why you're parents used to say that money doesn't grow on trees.
Because apparently it doesn't, so now you're poor.

17. People no longer find it charming that you're obsessed with Harry Potter.
Or LOTR, or Doctor Who, or even something like Twilight.
Once you hit that age ceiling, everyone just thinks you're weird.


18. You just can't bring yourself to care about those last 5-10 pounds.
Because after trying every diet and exercise program, food is still awesome.


Any one else every feel this way?
(safe space, no shame here)

See you laterrr!

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