Shit My Husband Says: Volume 1

So...

Sometimes I can't believe the things that come out of Bryan's mouth.

There have been moments where I have legitimately worried about peeing my pants because I'm laughing so hard and others where *facepalm* becomes a real thing.

I started documenting my favorite quotes, which I will now share with you.
You're welcome ;)

When confronted about his fear of butterflies

"I'm not afraid of them, they're just pointless. What do bees do? They pollinate flowers. What do butterflies do? They just float around and go 'oh yeah, look at me I'm a whore.'"

 "Whoa! Oh... I totally thought that Corgi was a tiger."

 Me: "Seymor nooo." 

Bryan: "He's giving you a hug Kat. He does it every morning." 

Me: "I don't think you understand the concept of a hug." 

Bryan: (pause) "...it's a hug Kat. Don't be a bitch."

  

Bryan: "I've got acid and hate running through my veins." 

Me: "Yeah, that must be why you asked for a Pixar movie for Christmas." 

Bryan: (pause) "...looks like a damned good movie."

Bryan: "Oh my god. Kat! Can we get a fish?! Can we? Can I get a fish? Can I Kat? Can I?!"

Me: "She's not THAT big."

Bryan: "Yes huh! She's cupcaking! Or loafing... what's it called?" 

Me: "'Muffin-topping' Bryan..."

"That sounds awfully romantic... sounds like something I would say if I had a boner."

"No kitty! Approaching it from another angle isn't going to get you any SOUP!"

Me: “Greyhounds are so skinny. I want to feeeeeed them.” 

Bryan: “They love being skinny Kat! It’s cause they run all the time. They run and run and run. That's why they named them after those buses.”

After Seymor got fixed.

Me: "He's going to be tired." 

Bryan: "Uh, yeah. He just had major surgery." 

Me: "Minor surgery, Bryan." 

Bryan: "GETTING YOUR TESTICLES CUT OFF IS MAJOR SURGERY KAT!"

He's so crazy ;)

See you next time!