Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Shit My Husband Says: Volume 1

So...
Sometimes I can't believe the things that come out of Bryan's mouth.
There have been moments where I have legitimately worried about peeing my pants because I'm laughing so hard and others where *facepalm* becomes a real thing.

I started documenting my favorite quotes, which I will now share with you.
You're welcome ;)

When confronted about his fear of butterflies
"I'm not afraid of them, they're just pointless. What do bees do? They pollinate flowers. What do butterflies do? They just float around and go 'oh yeah, look at me I'm a whore.'"

 "Whoa! Oh... I totally thought that Corgi was a tiger."

 Me: "Seymor nooo." 
Bryan: "He's giving you a hug Kat. He does it every morning." 
Me: "I don't think you understand the concept of a hug." 
Bryan: (pause) "...it's a hug Kat. Don't be a bitch."
  
Bryan: "I've got acid and hate running through my veins." 
Me: "Yeah, that must be why you asked for a Pixar movie for Christmas." 
Bryan: (pause) "...looks like a damned good movie."

Bryan: "Oh my god. Kat! Can we get a fish?! Can we? Can I get a fish? Can I Kat? Can I?!"

Me: "She's not THAT big."
Bryan: "Yes huh! She's cupcaking! Or loafing... what's it called?" 
Me: "'Muffin-topping' Bryan..."

"That sounds awfully romantic... sounds like something I would say if I had a boner."

"No kitty! Approaching it from another angle isn't going to get you any SOUP!"

Me: “Greyhounds are so skinny. I want to feeeeeed them.” 
Bryan: “They love being skinny Kat! It’s cause they run all the time. They run and run and run. That's why they named them after those buses.”

After Seymor got fixed.
Me: "He's going to be tired." 
Bryan: "Uh, yeah. He just had major surgery." 
Me: "Minor surgery, Bryan." 
Bryan: "GETTING YOUR TESTICLES CUT OFF IS MAJOR SURGERY KAT!"

He's so crazy ;)

See you next time!

Tunesday: Midnight Cinema


Hey guys :)
Hope you're having a good week so far!

"Hurricane" by Midnight Cinema

I posted about my love for Thriving Ivory a LOOOOONG time ago.
But I'll have you all know: it's undying and eternal.
'Midnight Cinema' is a new group that the guys from Thriving Ivory have put together, and it's pretty awesome. It reminds me a lot of their old stuff, but definitely seems a little bit happier.

Enjoy the video :)
See you soon.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Cinefile: Mama


Happy Monday :)
The weekend was super productive. I slept till about 10:15am (both days), went to Target and bought more junk food than I care to mention, and watched a movie. (sarcasm is fun ;)
Erin and I wanted to watch something scary, and thanks to the fact that she actually has cable (she's fancy;) we were able to find something that neither of us had seen.
Which means it's time for another review :)


Erin and I wanted to see this one when it was released in theaters, but thanks to the fact that her husband isn't a fan of the horror/thriller genre ("My blood pressure!") and my husband hates going to the movies, we never actually went.
We found it on demand and decided that today was the day.

Mama is about two young girls readjusting to life after spending years of isolation in the woods after being abandoned by their father. After five years of searching (funded by their uncle), the girls are found alive, but extremely feral and malnourished.


Promptly following their rescue, the girls (Victoria and Lilly) were taken to a wellness clinic to rehabilitate.
During their stay they fall into the care of Dr. Dreyfuss, who is the first to break through their silence and find out about what happened in the woods.
When explaining the girls' progress to Lucas (their uncle), he explains that in order to survive the girls created a fictional maternal protective figure, aka "Mama."

After months of psychiatric care and monitoring, Dr. Dreyfuss helps Lucas and his girlfriend Annebel win custody of the girls. He allows them to move into one of the clinic's houses, in exchange for letting him continue to study the girls.

But as Victoria and Lilly become more acquainted with everyday life, strange things begin happening around the house. Their new guardians are forced to wonder about Mama, and if she is really as fictional as they all thought.


This movie is based on the Argentine "Mamá", a three minute short written and directed by the same man who wrote and directed the feature length film. The movie was produced by Guillermo del Toro, the same guy who did Pans Labyrinth (haven't seen it yet) and El Orfanato (AMAZING MOVIE).

Let's get to the review ;)
Despite the fact that the girls are in the entire movie, I feel that the real main character is Annabel.


Little bit of background:
Annabel doesn't like kids. At all. You can tell from the very beginning.
She's in a rock band, has her friends and her habits, and doesn't want that to change. But she loves Lucas, so when he received custody of the girls, she went along for the ride. They all moved into the house together, but it was clear that she had no intention of being motherly to these girls.

A little before the halfway point of the movie, something happens (vague I know, but spoilers :/) that forces Annabel to take care of the girls on her own, something she is nowhere ready for.


I hated the SHIT out of Annabel when the movie started. She just has such a shitty attitude.
To be fair, I don't hate kids so I can't completely understand her state of mind, but I still feel that even if you did you wouldn't be a complete asshole to one. She's very cold and distant, hardly something good for a couple of girls that GREW UP IN THE GOD DAMNED WILDERNESS. I mean, if you don't like kids you don't like kids, that's fine, to each their own, but don't volunteer to be a large part of their life and then treat them like shit.

But as I'm sure you've guessed, she gets a lot better through out the course of the movie. She grows as a person and begins to care about the girls, just like every other movie with a kid hater thrust into guardianship.
Good news for all :)


Okay, enough of that. I don't want to give anything away.

Let's talk about the horror.
This movie on a scale from one to ten is probably only a 6-7 (8 for those worrying about their "blood pressure";) when it comes to the actual scare factor. Mama is one of those creatures that are really scary until you see them. And then it's still creepy and like "oh my god if that thing was coming at my I'd FREAK THE FUCK OUT", but the mystery is gone, which is what made it so scary to begin with. There is hardly any blood, and the scariest thing BY FAR are the sounds that Mama makes :S (crunch, crack, snap) I really think if you get down to it it's more of a supernatural thriller, not a horror movie.

I absolutely LOVED the story.
Lately (and by lately I mean like the last 10 years), I feel like horror movies are all about gore and shock factor and less about the actual story behind what's going on. Which is a real shame, because a terrifying story trumps a gross visual any day of the week. This one was different, and it was something I really liked.
There were no gaping plot holes, no vague explanation of what was going on and the conclusion wasn't a total cop out. The ending actually made me really sad, but it was a hard truth that can only come from a good story.


The actors did a really good job, especially the girls. The youngest one didn't talk very much, so most of her character was just facial expressions and body language.

I also really REALLY enjoyed the score.
It had a nice sort of wondrous feel to it. It reminded me of Danny Elfman's score for Edward Scissorhands: magical, mystical, the sort of thing that you imagine when you listen to a fairytale.


Overall, I'm going to give it a 4 :)

What should I review next?
What did you think about Mama?

Until next time ;)

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Not-So-Tunesday: Eli "Paperboy" Reed


Okay, it's not Tuesday.
We're actually the furthest from Tuesday that we could be.
But I heard this song today and love it SO much that I just had to post about it:

"Nights Like This" by Eli "Paperboy" Reed

I've been Hulu-ing it up for the last few days (Bob's Burgers binge;) and have actually been stuck watching commercials for the first time in forever.
This song is in the new Toyota RAV4 commercial and is catchy as fuck!

Seriously, every once in a while I'll come across a melody that just clicks with my brain and I can't get enough. Examples include "Helena" by My Chemical Romance, "Here (In Your Arms)" by Hellogoodbye, "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3 and now this ;)

This is going to be my new bike jam :)
Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Tunesday: Rixton


Hey guys :)
I stumbled on something fun this weekend and thought it would be great for Tunesday ;)

"I Knew You Were Trouble" performed by Rixton 
(Taylor Swift Cover / Response)

So... confession time.
Taylor Swift drives me a little crazy. Like, not in an active way, it's more of an annoyance that stays dormant until awoken. Every time I hear a song about how she got screwed over my skin crawls just a little bit. It's like, it seems like you get effed over A LOT, how are you not used to it by now?

Rixton did a "response" to "I Knew You Were Trouble", and it's just wonderful.

Also this, this is hilarious:

Plus she's a bad sport. 
She freaked out about Tina Fey and Amy Poehler making a joke at the Golden Globes, and that's just where I draw the line.


See you guys next time ;)

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Cinefile: The Devil's Carnival


Hey guys :)
It's time for another review!
I watched this one a little while ago but hadn't gotten around to posting about it, till now ;)
 
Today, we're going to be talking about The Devil's Carnival.


So, I debated whether or not to feature this one on "Cinefile" simply because I'm wasn't sure if it was considered a movie. 
It's stuck in between being a feature length film and a short with a run time of 56 minutes, but reminds a bit of a show, especially since the long awaited sequel is being referred to as an "episode".
But for the sake of the column, we're calling it a movie for now.


Let's start with a summary.
The Devil's Carnival follows the stories of three individuals who have died and been sent to hell.
They are all there for separate sins they committed in life, and all seem to have no idea where they are or how they got there.
Based loosely on Aesop's Fables, each "guest" is faced with a chance to redeem themselves, but are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
The carnival is ran by Satan himself, and each tale is assisted and reenacted by his musical and somewhat terrifying band of carnies.


Let me just start with this:
I really REALLY wanted to like this movie.
The Devil's Carnival comes from the mind of , the same man who created Repo! The Genetic Opera, one of my guilty pleasure musicals.
I didn't even know it existed until I stumbled upon it on IMDb.
I knew I needed to see it, but was nervous about whether or not I'd enjoy it. Like Repo!, it seems that everyone who has seen this movie has either loved it or hated it, with very little mixed feelings in the middle.
All of the people I got to watch Repo! absolutely hated it, which is a real bummer because I thought it was really cool and original.
But, keeping my doubts tucked in the back of my mind, I set out to watch it anyway.


Let me just start by saying that this movie is visually stunning.
The make up and costuming is absolutely beautiful, and the cinematography is vibrant and colorful. It was a delightful surprise, considering that Repo! was really dark and the few colors that made it through the gloom were washed out and subtle.
 
I also really enjoyed that the make up in the film was 100% real (no CGI) and that you could still see some of the seams. I kind of felt like I was watching a play close up. It reminds me of older movies, back before special effects were in EVERYTHING.


But let's talk about the story a little bit.
(WARNING: The following may contain spoilers. I'm going to be as vague as possible though, promise)

The three "guests" of the carnival are John (a grieving father), Ms. Merrywood (a kleptomaniac) and Tamara (a mistreated girlfriend). At the very beginning of the movie, it shows how each of them met their end, just before they wake up at the carnival. John commits suicide, Ms. Merrywood dies in a shoot out with the police, and Tamara is murdered by her angry boyfriend. None of it is actually shown, but it's all implied.

Something that I had a little bit of trouble with right off the bat:
"Why the hell is Tamara in hell?"
 Merrywood and John I can kind of understand. Ms. Merrywood was a greedy jewel thief who would steal whatever she could get her hands on. And John, John was a nice guy but he committed suicide, which I've heard is a no-no when it comes to eternal salvation. Them I understand.

But Tamara? What did she do to go to hell?
Based on what is presented at the beginning of the movie, the only thing Tamara is guilty of is having bad taste in men. Just before he shoots her, Tamara is seen trying to get away from her boyfriend by hopping into her car. Her boyfriend is banging on the windows begging for her forgiveness, stating that "it'll never happen again." When she refuses him entry, he draws a gun and tells her that she has until the count of three.
Next thing you know, she's in hell. What gives?


Shortly after her arrival, Tamara finds a young man locked in a cage.
He asks for her help to escape, and she complies. When he gets out of the cage, it's easy to see that he fits in the stereotypical "bad boy" mold: leather jacket, boots, tattoos, ripped up shirt, and smoking a cigarette. He looks a lot like a greaser, for lack of a better example. He explains that he used to have a knife throwing act, but that he lost his "wheel gal". When asked how, he replied with "it doesn't matter, you're prettier anyhow."

I'm not going to go into detail about the rest of their encounter together (just for the sake of spoilers), but let's just say that she trusts this new man almost instantly despite his shady aura, and things don't exactly end well for the young lady.

It goes on later to show that Tamara seems to have trouble with this sort of thing.
She blindly trusts men who give her attention, leaving her mistreated and abused when things go south.

The fable used to illustrate Tamara's worldly mistakes was "The Scorpion and the Frog".
Long story short, a scorpion asks a frog for a ride across a river. The frog, knowing fully well what the scorpion was capable of, asks "how do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion replied "because if I do, I will drown." The frog, against her better judgement allows the scorpion to ride on her back across the river.
And surprise surprise, the scorpion goes back on its word and stings her, dooming them both.
The moral is that scorpions will always act within their nature, as do many other creatures and people in the world. I think Lucifer said it best: "Never trust a scorpion, lest you be pricked."

Here's my beef:
Yes, she obviously had horrific taste in men. Yes, she clearly had some problems with her self esteem, which is why she had horrific taste in men. But is that something that really makes you worthy of damnation?
When I think about hell I think about murders and rapists and people who hurt innocent people.
I can understand the use of the deadly sin (Merrywood's greed), and John's whole suicide thing, but I just can't see why a naive girl belongs in hell.

Okay, end rant.


My only other complaint with this movie is that it's a little hard to follow.
I am well known for total focus when I'm watching a new movie. Whenever I go to the theater, my eyes never leave the screen. I don't talk (that much), my phones off (not on vibrate, OFF) and I don't even go to the bathroom. The crazy thing is I never really have to, I'm so locked into the movie. But with this one I had trouble.
I mean, it's not like you're completely oblivious when you're watching, there's just bits where you have to stop and go, "wait, what?"
It's probably because a lot of the dialogue is sung or spoken with metaphors and allegory.
I've watched parts of the movie over again, and the more I watch the easier it is to understand.
I really just think it's one that you have to see more than once.
 
Last but not least we have the music.
Although I didn't enjoy the music in this one as much as I did in Repo!, it was still a wonderfully electric soundtrack. Lots of energy and wonderful writing.

Overall, I think I'm going to go with 3 stars :)

Luckily, this movie has recently been added to Netflix so you can check it out with ease :)
Leave your comments about how you felt about the movie below.
Did you hate it? Did you love it? Let me know ;)

Until next time,

Go Fish

Hey guys :)
Today, we embarked on a fishing adventure. I hadn't been since I was a kid, and even though I'm a horrible fisher(wo)man, I had a great time being out and about and discovering more of Virginia's natural beauty.
We didn't really catch anything, but I got lots of pictures ;)







   


Frank was the only one who caught anything, and sadly he (she?) had to be thrown back anyway.
I saw 3 little water snakes, which were cute and terrifying all at the same time (I liked when they poked their little heads out of the water :). The guys saw a really big poisonous snake on one of the trails, something I was grateful to miss. Not going to lie guys, I would've lost my shit. When it comes to legless lizards, I'm a way less bad ass version of Indiana Jones.

It was also really cool because it reminded me of all the great time I had with my grandpa when I was little.
He was the one who actually taught me how to fish, and even though I wasn't really into it as a kid (and still not super into it now), it's always something that I'll fondly remember. The flannel shirt Bryan is wearing in all the pictures was actually one of his :) I like to think that he'd be proud.

What are you up to this weekend?

See you soon ;)